and it all comes out

I had an awesome weekend. I really loved it. I hung out with my favorite Morgan. We had a blast. Other than that, the weather was nice, baseball season about 2 weeks away, Britney Spears concert is less than 2 weeks away, and NATASHA IS IN 60 SOMETHING DAYS!!!!!

I am really excited.

Tomorrow, I go back to loading packages into trailers at FedEx, rather than working in the office. I am probably going to be sore and struggle this week, but that's life. I actually love life. I like learning about life and growing in life.

I have recently determined that it is so great to find happiness within yourself and let it come from the inside, rather than allowing your happiness to ONLY come from outside events, things, or people. I struggled with this for quite some time now, but it finally made sense. I thought I was happy in making a certain someone happy, but they were never happy and I thought I was not happy. It just continued bringing me down, until recently. I am so happy now, happier than I have been in a while. I almost feel like the last 3 years of my life were wasted because of all I went through, but it was a growing experience, I took away from it a big lesson, and I cannot complain about that. I just wish it wouldn't have taken THREE whole years!! I became someone I didn't even like, I lost a lot of friends, I lost a lot of myself, so many negative things were happening that I just didn't see. I now feel I am almost back to who I was before, so I am thrilled about that!

Anyhow, I have decided I only want to have the best. I cannot allow myself to lower the bar for anyone. I don't feel it is right to change people, especially if they are major changes. I don't want to be changed, so I don't feel it is a good thing to change anyone. I don't want to go into any relationship thinking how or what needs to be changed about them and how I will do it. Instead, I think it is best to continue searching, talking, learning about people, until finding the best there is out there. Someone I appreciate for who they are, what they do, their qualities and imperfections, and someone who feels the same about me. I know it will come, in due time. Who knows how long? Nobody can really know that. It could happen this week, it could happen in 5 years, it could happen in 10. There is really no way of ever knowing, but I just know that it will come when it is supposed to. Until then, I can enjoy what I have now, enjoy my independence, enjoy so many things for myself and with myself, and just not be too hard on myself about finding someone. I'm still young, have a lot to learn, and I don't need someone else to make me happy right now.

I guess I didn't intend for this blog to be a self-realization rant, but it appears as though that is what it turned out to be! I'm okay with that. I learned in stress-management class that it can help reduce stress if you just write down what you are thinking. It may not even make sense what you are righting, it may only make sense to yourself, but nonetheless, it is a form of stress relief. So that means healthy! And who can complain about striving to be healthy?! Not I! :)

Until later... enjoy!